October 27, 2006 | excerpts, writing
I’ve been emailing a friend of mine, an aspiring romance writer, and we were talking about how to create character and conflict from the very first lines of your book. To show her what I meant, I took the first page of two of my books and added notes to show how I tried to portray from line one what these characters were like, and what their problems were.
I thought it might be kind of interesting, and could maybe help other people, so I’m posting them below.
BUT…here’s the challenge. I challenge any other writers reading this blog to do the same thing with their first few paragraphs–post them on your blog (or, if you don’t have one, in the comment section of mine, below), and comment on how you create character and conflict right away.
If you do post, please tell me, and if possible, leave a link in my comments section so we can all have a look at each other’s!
Here are mine:
“Okay let me get this straight. Tequila, then salt, then—” Marianne stood, container of salt poised over the cocktail shaker.
“No!” Warren hurled himself across the bar and grabbed her hand. “No salt in the margarita! You put it on the rim of the glass!” This woman is doing something she’s never done before, and making mistakes. She’s probably never had a margarita, which makes her pretty naïve–about drinking anyway. So why’s she in a bar?
Marianne’s hand, jogged by Warren, shook a dollop of rock salt into the container. She looked down into the aluminium cylinder, and an expression of wild regret passed over her face. She is bothered by making mistakes, out of proportion to the mistake that she has made. A problem here. Then she shook her head a little, and smiled.
“I think salty tequila could be good.” She raised the container to her lips, took the tiniest of sips, and grimaced. “Yeah, it’s a taste sensation.” However, she’s trying to change her gut reactions, and have a sense of humour about them. A trait that a reader can, hopefully, identify with.
He’d been sitting here so long his rear end was starting to go numb. This guy is a man who puts his goals above his personal comfort.
Nick shifted his weight, stretched his legs in their lightweight outdoor trousers, he’s an outdoorsman settled his back more comfortably against the tastefully neutral-coloured wall, and then he was motionless again. And patient. And in control of his body. I’ve tried to make him heroic in the first two sentences.
There was a clock on the wall down the corridor from him, near the creaky elevators. It ticked in the emptiness, a constant artificial monotony that dragged on Nick’s nerves. It wasn’t the noise that bothered him. He was used to noise: the constant rush of the ocean and the whirr of leaves and the bickering of birds. Those were timeless sounds. But this tick was a precise measurement of time passing. He is bothered by this setting; he belongs elsewhere. Every second ticking by was another second he had to wait for the mysterious Ms Drake and the answers he’d waited far too long for already. Mystery. Conflict. There is a problem here–he wants answers about something and he’s willing to put himself outside his comfort zone to get them.
***
Now post yours!
Anna Lucia says:
Excellent examples, Julie! I really want to do this, but I’m not sure I have a single opening that is so immediate!!!
Dangit!
Carol says:
I love reading your blog and this was great, so helpful. I’ve never had anything published so I don’t think my openings would be very helpful to anyone!
Donna says:
Don’t sell yourself short, Carol.
I might do this today. Now, that means I’ll have to go figure out which ones I want to use….
Great procrastination technique, Jules!
Julie says:
It’s not procrastination…it’s sharing craft!
Go ahead and try it Carol–as Donna says we can all learn from each other.
Anna, I think you may be surprised…
Carol says:
Ok , it’s Friday afternoon and I’m definitely in wind-down. Here goes, this is a first for me - letting some-one read my scribble, so I might as well be first here!
Nothing more than setting a scene and wanting to make the reader intrigued enough to want to read on.
‘The drizzle changed to a more steady rainfall and she quickened her pace, causing her to splash mud on the trousers of her expensive suit. Irritated, she grasped the edge of the bag tighter until she felt the tips of her fingernails dig into her palm.
The day had started so well, ‘You look like a million dollars.’ he’d said and she smiled at the memory. As the rainfall increased she realised the brown paper bag she clutched so tightly was now getting very wet and would soon start to disintegrate. She increased her pace yet again.
Her carefully styled hair now clung to her neck as little rivulets of rain down her face; impatiently she pushed the hair away from her eyes but in doing so she caused the bag to swing up and tear slightly at the neck.
Cursing, she happened to look down at her shoes. They were ruined; designed only for eveningwear, the rain and mud had worked their worse. Despondency credpt over her and she stopped to look up the lane; it seemed to go on forever.
Sorry it’s longer than I realised. Be gentle.
Kate Hardy says:
Hmmm… I’m not sure mine are that immediate. I’ve got into the habit of starting from the hero’s viewpoint (I prefer writing dual-POV books). And this is what Leo Ballantyne sees at the opening of STRICTLY LEGAL:
‘You look like a princess,’ a sleepy voice murmured.
And she did. Like a gypsy princess. Barefoot, in a white slub-silk slip dress trimmed with lace, with a crimson feather boa draped round her shoulders, a sparkly tiara in her hair and dark curls corkscrewing down her back, she should have looked a mess. Like an adult playing at dressing up.
[She's a dealer in vintage clothes. Boho chic. Quite wrong for Mr Posh Hotshot Lawyer. Who clearly sees her work as playing, not something real. Setting up a big clash, here.]
Instead, she looked good enough to eat.
[And he's not happy about it at all.]
And he could imagine her wearing just the feather boa…
[Gives you a clue: this book is going to get very, very steamy...]
Leo Ballantyne was furious with himself for thinking that way about Rose Carter – his baby sister’s best friend and, in his view, the worst thing that had ever happened to Sara. Rose was bad news, with a capital B. And now Sara had gone off somewhere for a few days and left Rose – one of her flakiest, most unreliable friends – to look after Daisy.
[This is a man who's really, REALLY big on responsibility. Comes of being the oldest child: he's the big brother who fizes everything. Rose is flaky and unreliable and a bad influence on his kid sister... or has Leo completely misread her? He really, really fancies her; but on the other hand he knows that she's wrong for him. So that's going to affect the way he deals with her - constant internal struggle between his head and his heart.]
Hmm. Thanks, Julie, for making me think about the importance of openings. And I think I’ll go and have another cup of coffee before I dare tackle the new book…
Kate Bimbo says:
Duh. I meant to type fixes, not fizes.
This is why the predictive text thing on my PDA is driving me crazy. It keeps listing my typos. (If anyone out there knows how to get into the dictionary and edit it, pleeeeeeeaaaassssse let me know.)
Karen says:
I’m sorry, just seeing Kate refer to herself as Kate Bimbo made me burst out with laughter!
Donna says:
LOL I didn’t post mine here, but it is on my blog. And Julie is very sweet in having my link on her blogs I read list.
Donna
Jenna says:
This was fun
I did mine:
http://jennabayley-burke.blogspot.com/2006/10/first-page-challenge.html
Julie says:
Thank you Carol! Your heroine looks like a high-maintenance, probably city career woman, who’s in some sort of relationship with a man, and is stranded somewhere she would rather not be? Am I right?
Julie says:
Yup, I can see how you’ve created conflict right away, Kate. In a different way than I have, which is interesting–you give many more facts, and these are the things that are going to be important in the whole book. Excellent!
Julie says:
Cool, Donna and Jenna! Going to check yours out now…
Danielle says:
Okay, Julie, I posted one. I’m not sure if it’s what you had in mind exactly but it’s up on this link http://lovin-the-writers-life.blogspot.com/
Laura Rose says:
Hi Julie. Found you through Jenna’s blog. Thought I’d give this a go, it’s over at http://lrmiddleton.com/blog/?p=275
Michelle Styles says:
Julie –
I have posted mine http://www.michellestyles.blogspot.com/
One from Gladiator’s Honour and one from A Noble Captive. Giving my take on the whole thing. It also shows it is done in historicals which can be slightly different as you do have to make sure the reader knows the period!
GH is in the heroine’s POV, and ANC starts in the hero’s.
Kate Walker says:
I’ve joined in too - posted mine at:
http://kate-walker.blogspot.com/
Thanks Julie - this has been fascinating and has kickstarted the dusty brain cell into thinking today! Let’s hope that continues
Kate
Julie says:
Thank you Danielle, Laura, Michelle, and Kate. Check those out, everybody–very different stories, and some interesting techniques to *show* character rather than *tell* it, which I think can be a challenge at the beginning of the book.
Phillipa says:
Hi - what a brilliant idea. I’ll post the opening to my new Little Black Dress, Wish You Were ,on my blog at http://www.phillipa-ashley.com but I have to admit, I don’t really think about it too much. I just imagine being the characters, the mood they’re in, the situation and they seem to just do things of their own accord. Maybe that IS actually thinking about it. I’m not sure. I’m still learning this game and while I can analyse other writers’ work, I find analysing my own quite difficult.
Amanda Ashby says:
Great post, Julie. I’m hopeless at knowing how or why I do things, but have posted mine anyway with a very sad attempt at an explaination!
http://amandaashby.blogspot.com/
Fiona Harper says:
This is a great idea, Julie. i’ve joined in too:
http://fionaharper.blogspot.com/2006/10/first-page-challenge_28.html
I’ve really enjoyed all the blog-hopping this morning to check out other people’s examples.
Elle Fredrix says:
Julie, thanks. This was fun and insightful. (And you saved me! I was wondering what to do todays blog on.)
Here you go: http://ellefredrix.blogspot.com/
Julie says:
Thank you Phillipa, Amanda, Fiona, and Elle!
I agree with Fiona–it’s fun to look at everyone’s examples. So far I’ve noticed a few things:
–how important it is to show not only character and conflict, but tone and attitude from the first line (which Amanda shows really well)
–how historical novelists also need to show world-building and period (I can see that from Michelle’s examples)
–how very small details can *show* a lot, without the need for the author to *tell* us a single thing (like Fiona’s hero crossing against traffic).
Who else is brave?
Sara Hantz says:
This is a great idea, Julie. I’ve posted on my blog - not sure I explained it very well, though!
http://www.sarahantz.blogspot.com
Tanya Louise says:
This is a really great idea, Julie. It’s really helpful to us struggling, sorry asiring writers! Can I just ask - how much of what you’ve shown us was in your first draft and how much did you go back and put in? Are you thinking this way from word 1 or does it take adding and fixing after?
Tanya Louise says:
Sorry - of course I meant aspiring - I think!!
Julie says:
Thank you Sara! You explained it very well.
Tanya, we’re all struggling, believe me.
It’s interesting you asked that question. In the two examples I posted, I pretty much wrote them as they are now. I do a lot of character and conflict development before I start writing and so often (not always), the characters start expressing themselves the minute they get on the page.
However, the only substantial revision I’ve been asked to do on this latest book is to fiddle with the first 11 pages, which my editor thinks are flat. I have a suspicion it might be, among other things, because I haven’t shown character and conflict so immediately in them, because I have a lot of story to set up. So my job for today is to edit and revise those first pages so they’re more efficient.
Dipping Into The Water Butt » Blog Archive » First Paragraph Challenge says:
[...] Basically, writers post their opening paragraph and explain how it introduces the characters etc. Julie explains it all on her blog so I’d suggest you nip over there rather than listen to me waffle through it again. I doubt I’d explain it as well, either. [...]
Sharon J says:
Hi Julie. I was going to say that I’ve posted my response to your challenge but your blog’s pinged my post already! Talk about quick!
As you know, I’m unpublished so I’m not sure how useful my piece will be but reading everybody else’s responses to the challenge has been an educating experience so thanks for starting it off.
Phillipa says:
Hi there. Well ‘Miss’ Cohen has persuaded me to have a go at analysing my own writing on my blog. It is fasinating and Julie has had 30 replies - the romance blog scene is buzzing, we’re all so hooked on this. But just playing Devil’s Advocate (preferably with a maked Keanu Reeves in the role), how many people here actually ‘just write’ - as in instinctively just put fingers to keyboard and live their characters wihout actually thinking about it too much. Until an ed gets hold of them, that is. As they inevitably do.
But thanks again Julie for a fascinating topic - have visited Kate W, Michelle’s and Amanda’s sites so far.
Phillipa says:
PS
There’s agreatness to my typos and I’m always in trouble for writing first and thinking later.
Laura Vivanco says:
I’m not a writer, but I thought I’d go round and have a look too. It was interesting, because sometimes I got confused, or didn’t pick up on the things that the author wanted me to notice, or just had a different reaction to the one I was ’supposed’ to have. I left comments on a few, but being me, I ended up writing huge long essays. Hope that was OK and I didn’t upset/offend anyone.
What the exercise made me think is that there are some things the writer can control, but then each reader is going to come in with her/his own reading and life experiences and her/his own set of assumptions and associations and that will affect how (s)he reads the piece, especially in the first few pages where a reader don’t have much experience of the characters and is just judging them on first impressions.
To give a random, invented example, let’s say a heroine comes in wearing Manolo’s. There will be some readers who don’t know what those are. There will be some who do and want them too - so they might feel jealous of the heroine, or they might want to be like her. Then there might be readers who are Doc Marten wearers and who’ll think that the heroine is superficial and wastes her money on fashionable things. One reader might assume the heroine is rich, another might wonder if she’s running up credit-card debt.
All of those would be valid responses, I think, and none of those readers would know if they were right in their assumptions until they read on and found out more. That makes me think that what an author has to do is create conflict (or some reason for the reader to want to keep reading) and characterisation that doesn’t irritate the reader so much that she/he already wants to stop reading. But what irritates one reader may be enticing to another reader (e.g. some readers love a bossy alpha hero who accuses the heroine of being a gold-digger, but other readers would loathe that). So then, I suppose, especially in category romance, you’re going to have to assume that the reader has chosen a particular book because of the line it’s in (e.g. a reader who adores Betty Neels may not be very happy with a Blaze, regardless of how great the author’s skills are at characterisation and plotting). Some people do read across lines, but I’d imagine that there are plenty of readers who stick to just one or two. No author is going to be able to please all readers, though some authors may please more readers more of the time.
I suppose one solution to guard against possible misinterpretation would be to spell everything out in detail, but that would probably lead to boring info-dump, so I suppose authors have to tantalise readers, give them clues, and hope that they hook the readers and make them want to read on (even if they initially come to the wrong conclusions).
Julie says:
Well, you can never wholly guard against misinterpretation, Laura, and I personally believe that it is the reader who gives a text meaning. I think you’re right, that in category romance the reader is expecting certain types of signals–for example a powerful hero in a Modern/Presents novel could be interpreted as overbearing in another context, but a Modern reader will know that his alpha tendencies will be tempered by vulnerability and caring as the novel progresses.
There are signals, too, that an author can give to guide interpretation–for example, the use of the phrase “rear end” in my first sentence of DRIVING HIM WILD is supposed to tell the reader that this book will be upbeat and contemporary, and so we know that although there’s a mystery, it’s probably not a dark one, and hopefully that the hero has a sense of humour even though he’s feeling irritated and angry now.
I’m curious–did you agree with my assessment of my own first paragraphs?
Julie says:
Phillipa, as you can see, I don’t usually “just write”–I do plan these things, and hey, my background is in literary criticism so I second-guess the effect of my words constantly. But I think this exercise can be valuable to those who do wing it.
I do crits and find that many new authors don’t think about their openings–they just start where they think the story should, and then when their opening doesn’t have the effect they want it to, they feel powerless and that they are not talented. I hope looking at how people think about the effect of their openings, can give writers more power to realise they can revise (and write) more effectively.
Then again, some people write instinctively and it works for them. And if something’s not broke, why fix it? As a teacher, though, I feel that people should have the tools to improve their craft, even if they don’t use them–because one day, they might need them.
I’m going to practise what I preach and attack my opening 11 pages, because I don’t think they’re effective.
Michelle Styles says:
Tanya Louise asked about how much was in the first draft.
I can say for Gladiator’s Honour — the first scene was totally redone in revisions as my then editor objected (and quite rightly) to the original.
The first page for A Noble Captive was the same (or at least a close approximation) all the way through I believe. This is an abbreration.
Normally it takes me several goes to get it right.
With my current wip, I am on my third go, but am pretty happy with the way it is…
First pages are of vital importance, but often you are not really sure of exactly what you want to highlight until after you finish the first draft.
The important thing is to just WRITE!
Sahndre says:
Hi, I thought I would post a bit of mine and see what you all think. I found it very interesting to read how eveyone else starts and what they pack into the first few pages. Feel free to comment. This is the 5th start after I deleted 10,000 words because it didn’t feel right. This needs tweaking but I like it more than any of my previous versions.
Prologue.
Cara Denning stumbled out of the building and down the concrete steps, unable to see through the curtain of despair welling in her eyes. She clamped her hand over her mouth to hold back the nausea which was making her knees tremble and her hands shake. Once far enough away from the clinic she stopped and leant against iron railings and let her tears fall.
No one could ever make her feel more wretched then she did at this precise moment, and nothing would lift her spirits. Not even the bright clear day. She wanted to crumple, collapse on the pavement and give into the turmoil that racked her body as she sobbed silently, so horrified by what she had been told it wasn’t even possible to cry properly. The implications of her morning meeting were terrifying, she was on an emotional roller coaster, she couldn’t leave now her seat was well and truly booked.
It was a mistake, a horrible cruel mistake which threatened all the dreams she had coveted over the past four years. Memories and possibilities were swarming through her brain, stinging her with decisions needing to be made. She wanted to go home, walk through the fields of corn and lose herself in their golden husks. Tears burnt and blinded as she moved on towards the train station, barely able to see the way through their haze. Picturing home, her studio, losing herself in the softness of clay motivated her to keep going.
She dragged the length of her blonde ponytail out from under her handbag, tipping it sideways as she did so. The flutter of white card caught her eye. She readjusted her bag and stooped to pick up the incriminating evidence of the ‘unfortunate clinical error’ she now carried around with her. She looked at the picture before screwing it up and shoving it into the bottom of her handbag. She didn’t have the energy to think too much about it now. She needed escape.
Her rainbow skirt billowed around her ankles as she strode across the road to the steps that lead down to the train station, the bells on the hemline ringing out the pattern of her footfall, angry and defiant they rang out the unfairness of the situation. No matter how many times she replayed the Doctors words, Cara felt no closer to understanding what had occurred.
The words were churning around in her brain just like a mixed wash in the machine. Bright bits of hope flared before her eyes before the dark, grungy realism hit her. She was so caught up in the reality of the situation she failed to see the traffic lights were green.
She didn’t feel the bang as she bounced off the bonnet of the sleek sports car, neither did she hear the screams of the other pedestrians as she slid onto the road, a crimson pool forming a halo around her golden hair. The last thing she remembered was the screwed up piece of card from the bottom of her bag rolling before her eyes, then darkness enveloped her.
I hope that wasn’t too long.
Sahndre
Laura Vivanco says:
“I’m curious–did you agree with my assessment of my own first paragraphs?”
Mostly, but not all the time, Julie.
Here goes:
“Okay let me get this straight. Tequila, then salt, then—” Marianne stood, container of salt poised over the cocktail shaker.
“No!” Warren hurled himself across the bar and grabbed her hand. “No salt in the margarita! You put it on the rim of the glass!”
[This woman is doing something she’s never done before, and making mistakes. She’s probably never had a margarita, which makes her pretty naïve–about drinking anyway. So why’s she in a bar?]
I’ve never had a margarita. This makes me pretty naive? It means I pick up on the fact that she’s doing something new, and it’s tricky to make cocktails. I suspect she must be learning a new job, because she’s being given instructions by someone who does know how to do it.
Marianne’s hand, jogged by Warren, shook a dollop of rock salt into the container. She looked down into the aluminium cylinder, and an expression of wild regret passed over her face.
[She is bothered by making mistakes, out of proportion to the mistake that she has made. A problem here.]
Yes, I agree. Why is this little mistake causing ‘wild’ regret. Also, why is she being so hard on herself when it’s Warren who jogged her hand?
Then she shook her head a little, and smiled.
“I think salty tequila could be good.” She raised the container to her lips, took the tiniest of sips, and grimaced. “Yeah, it’s a taste sensation.”
[However, she’s trying to change her gut reactions, and have a sense of humour about them. A trait that a reader can, hopefully, identify with.]
She’s trying to be funny (perhaps to deflect criticism of her mistake?), but salty drinks are disgusting so however hard she tries to pretend they’re not, they’re still going to taste disgusting.
My reactions aren’t totally different to the ones you intended the reader to have, but they’re not exactly the same.
And my reactions to the next one:
He’d been sitting here so long his rear end was starting to go numb.
[This guy is a man who puts his goals above his personal comfort.]
He’s been sitting a long time. Why’s he been sitting there so long? I don’t get the bit about ‘goals above comfort’. Right now I have pins and needles in my leg, but it’s not because I’ve been putting my goals above my comfort, it’s because if I’m concentrating on the computer, I don’t notice that sitting cross-legged is beginning to make my leg go numb. Maybe your interpretation is more flattering
Nick shifted his weight, stretched his legs in their lightweight outdoor trousers, [he’s an outdoorsman]
Does he also own indoor trousers? Or does he always wears clothes that would be suitable for camping/walking? Probably the latter. Does he wear them because he genuinely likes the outdoors (e.g. a countryside ranger) or is he a bit of a poser (I’m thinking of people who wear a Barbour and boots in town, but they’d never get muddy, though his clothes sound less like traditional out-door clothing and more like goretex or some other high-tech fabric).
settled his back more comfortably against the tastefully neutral-coloured wall, and then he was motionless again.
[And patient. And in control of his body. I’ve tried to make him heroic in the first two sentences.]
Wonder if he’s in a doctor’s surgery or an office - they might have a ‘tastefully neutral-coloured wall’. What’s his taste like in interior decorating? Loud and not tasteful? Or is it that he’s not the sort who would deliberately try to make a room stylish, because he’s practical, not fashionable? That would suggest his clothing should be taken at face value. He’s not a poser: he’s a real outdoors person.
I don’t get the ‘in control of his body’ bit, or the heroism. Someone with a numb behind doesn’t immediately strike me as either in control of their body or heroic. They come across as stuck in one position and in discomfort. I’m so prosaic. But I’d think he was patient and able to endure discomfort.
There was a clock on the wall down the corridor from him, near the creaky elevators. It ticked in the emptiness, a constant artificial monotony that dragged on Nick’s nerves. It wasn’t the noise that bothered him. He was used to noise: the constant rush of the ocean and the whirr of leaves and the bickering of birds. Those were timeless sounds. But this tick was a precise measurement of time passing.
[He is bothered by this setting; he belongs elsewhere.]
Hm. The elevators don’t match the tasteful decor. The place is more run-down than I’d thought. Maybe he’s not a birdwatcher (though you mention birds) because they spend a lot of time motionless waiting for something to happen. I’m getting the impression that he doesn’t like sitting still/isn’t used to it (that numb behind again), so perhaps he’s more active when he’s in the countryside.
Every second ticking by was another second he had to wait for the mysterious Ms Drake and the answers he’d waited far too long for already.
[Mystery. Conflict. There is a problem here–he wants answers about something and he’s willing to put himself outside his comfort zone to get them.]
How long has he been waiting? It seems it’s probably not a doctor’s surgery and a doctor/surgeon wouldn’t be described as ‘mysterious’ so maybe not a medical emergency. Could it be something legal?
It’s interesting that he’s tense and counting every second, but he’s also still, not fidgeting or pacing up and down, or reading a magazine or looking out a window. That makes him seem alert and focussed, maybe a bit like a wild animal (as he’s associated with the outdoors) that’s been cornered.
Michelle says:
Do you know, I don’t actually think about these things as I write? It may happen in retrospect, but for me, it’s very much a seat-of-the pants thing.
Julie says:
Ah, but Laura, wouldn’t you say that your leg is falling asleep because you prefer to sit at your computer (goal) than to pay attention to your comfort, which tells you to stretch?
Your impressions aren’t exactly the same as mine, but they’re more or less correct, so I’m doing okay I guess. “Alert and focussed” to me is definitely hero material; I’m really attracted to men who act that way.
Julie says:
Sahndre, you’ve created a definite mystery with your opening (what’s wrong with her?) and you’ve also introduced that your heroine is an artist who dresses unconventionally and has a strong affinity with nature. Is that right?
Sahndre says:
Yes. My heroine has just been told by the fertility clinic where her late-husbands sperm was stored that there has been an ‘Unfortunate clinical error.’ Basically she has been impregnated with the wrong donor’s sperm and is in fact carrying another mans child. (Who of course happens to be the man who has just knocked her down.)
Sound good?
Laura Vivanco says:
Julie, if you say so I will accept that I’m goal orientated. I’ll pass over the minor detail that my goal might be playing computer solitaire etc
‘I’m doing okay I guess’
That’s a very polite understatement, isn’t it? I’ve only read Being a Bad Girl so far, but it was wonderful. And yes, my impressions were similar to yours. I was just trying to show that even when the impressions are close, each reader is going to bring something a little different to the interpretation.
“Alert and focussed” to me is definitely hero material; I’m really attracted to men who act that way.
That reminds me of the joke about a poster stating
Be alert!
Britain needs Lerts!
Or something like that. I’m not good at telling jokes.
One other thing that came to my mind was the way that some authors either subconsciously, or intentionally due to reworking in subsequent drafts, make sure that the themes/imagery/descriptions from the first few paragraphs/pages are worked in throughout the novel. So with your Being a Bad Girl, for example, you have a parallel scene towards the end of the novel where the heroine is again making cocktails, and this time the results are very, very different. And throughout the book you show her making a conscious effort to do things which might come spontaneously to other people - so that picks up the theme of her learning, always wanting approval/not wanting to fail.
Well, I did a really long analysis of that book on my blog, so I’ll try not to repeat myself. I’m finding this is something that I notice in other romances I’m analysing for the blog, for example in Betty Neels’ Discovering Daisy. I usually spend a lot of time analysing the first few pages, precisely because they set the scene, introduce the characters, and give us a hint of the conflict and the underlying themes of the work.
Sara Hantz says:
I’m like Michelle, I don’t think of these things when I write…it just sort of comes together. But doing this exercise made me think, and I will definitely pay more attention to what I’m doing in my opening than before. Thanks Julie
Ally Blake says:
Cool stuff Julie!!!
I’ve had a look around and these are such great examples of getting soooo much info across in so few words, which considering many of us won’t buy new authors until reading the first page ;).
My attempt is at http://allyblake.blogspot.com
Ally
Julie says:
Thank you Ally! That’s a really good point, that your first page is a definite selling tool for your novel, not only to an editor, but on the shelves.
Thank you Laura for your thoughts and most particularly for thinking Being A Bad Girl is wonderful…
One thing I’ve really noticed, Sara and Michelle, is how different writers have widely varying degrees of self-consciousness about their writing–and that it often doesn’t make a whole lot of difference about whether the book is successful or not. But these examples and tools can really help with revisions.
J Denning says:
Cara Denning is my estranged wife…
we tried to have kids for a year and couldn’t.
how eerie is that?
MJD
Sahndre says:
That is seriously eerie having the same name as your estranged wife and also fertility problems.
Is the saying say ‘life imitates art’, I wonder if it imitates fiction too?
Sahndre
Nicola Marsh says:
Better late than never!
I’ve finally posted my first page today. Me, slow?
Nic
Melissa McClone says:
Very late, but I wanted to give this a try. Interesting exercise. Thanks for suggesting it!
kj says:
julie, this is way cool. thank you for a writing gift.
i’m thinking, thinking.
kj
Jessica Raymond says:
So I’m officially the latest of the lot (until somebody else posts another comment behind mine) — my attempt is at:
http://jessicaraymond.blogspot.com/2006/11/julie-cohens-first-page-challenge.html
Julie Cohen » even David Tennant’s feet are cute says:
[...] Take the first page challenge! Click here [...]
Tilly says:
Hey Julie
I had a go afterall. I’ve not done any commentary, but I think - in the first opening at least - the conflict is obvious. Well, I guess it makes things easier if your hero is a werewolf and your heroine is a werewolf hunter!
http://tillytilly.livejournal.com/311475.html
Anna Lucia says:
I did this a while back, but the post wouldn’t take comments, so I’ve reposted and put the link here, too. I’d welcome anyone’s thoughts!
http://anna-lucia.blogspot.com/2006/10/julies-first-page-challenge.html
Ta!
lynne pardoe says:
Hi all, Julie and I were chatting a while back about writing and I’ve decided to join you all in your chat - you all look so interesting and write brilliantly! I’m new to blogs and blogging though so be gentle with me if I get it wrong - it took me ages to work out how to post here! But it’s really nice to meet you all.
I thought I’d post the first bit of my wip, I’m aiming at writing mills & boon medicals because I was a nurse then a hospital social worker (I had to change careers ‘cos I’ve got a strange but true nerve condition where I am slowly looksing control of my hands and feet). I just love anything medical and working with people.
I just wondered though, I’ve heard more experienced writers say first pages are difficult and there are lots of things that can go wrong, but what? It seems to me the whole book can go wrong at any point, or is it just about first impressions?
Lynne.
‘The next time I fall in love - if there is a next time, I’ll choose my partner with my head and not my heart!’ Olivia Walsh pressed down double hard on the button of the franking machine in the reception of Surgery as she spoke as if to emphasise a point. ‘And I would never have offered the room in my house for the new doctor had I known who was going to be appointed.’
Julie says:
Thank you Nic and Michelle and Jess! All excellent excerpts with different techniques.
KJ have you finished thinking yet?
Let us know.
Julie says:
Tilly, I’ve commented on your post (I love the extracts) and asked you to do some analysis for us, which you will probably hate me for!
Anna, I’ve been dying to analyse your extracts for days now and I got in there and pointed out some techniques that I suspect you have done completely unconsciously. (Heh heh and I mentioned verbs and zeugma. ;-))
Both Tilly and Anna have posted suspenseful beginnings which are quite different to the more romance-focused openings that I and some other category authors have posted. The contrasts in content are interesting and really show the wide range of techniques that can be used.
Julie says:
Lynne…alas, the book can go wrong at any point. It’s just that the first page is so important as a selling tool and to get the reader in the right place, that it’s useful to look at it.
I like your first paragraph, which I think establishes character and her conflict and setting right away. This also shows Olivia as a strong character with definite opinions–both in what she says and in her actions of pressing down on the machine.
(Lynne is the person who first got me thinking about this challenge so thank you, Lynne!)
Julie says:
(Some writers who have also tried this challenge, but not commented here, are:
Liz Fenwick
Anne McAllister
Judy Jarvie
Anybody else…?)
Anna Lucia says:
I’m really enjoying running around looking at other people’s examples. And thanks, Julie, for your insight into mine. You’re right - I had no idea I was doing/using a zeu-thingy!
Tilly says:
With commentary
http://tillytilly.livejournal.com/312455.html?mode=reply
lynne pardoe says:
I’ve just had a chance to read all the beginnings, they’re brilliant and I can see how they show mood, atmosphere, character and all sorts at the same time as plotting. It must take quite a bit of skill to do all those together without overwhelming the reader. I’ve learnt loads and really enjoyed reading them all, I’m a blog convert now and will be reading them all!
Kris WW says:
I’ve been following this thread with interest, and have just about got the courage up to post… so here goes.
“You need therapy,” Helen said cuttingly. “Or some kind of psychological help.”
“Yeah, well, I’m just a bag of neuroses, aren’t I?” Elisande looked at her reflection in the shop window. “After all, if someone looks like I do, they obviously need a lot of psychiatric treatment to cope with it.”
The woman looking back at her from the glass scowled too. Only two inches short of six foot tall, with incredibly long, slender limbs and a head of thick, black, nearly waist length hair, most passers-by gave her more than a second glance.
Helen tossed her head and sniffed.
“That’s assuming you’re not already in therapy.”
“You’re saying I should be?”
“You’re selfish, ill-mannered, egotistical and arrogant,” her sister said scathingly. “You’re not a nice person to know anymore, Elisande. You need help.”
With that, she turned and walked off into the bustling Christmas crowd. A moment later, she was lost from view.
Elisande stared after her, shoving her hands into the pockets of her thick sable jacket.
‘Not a nice person to know…’ Helen’s words repeated themselves in her head, over and over. Not a nice person. After everything she’d done for her family over the last ten years. Elisande choked back a sob, feeling her throat close up.
The thronging mass of shoppers seemed somehow to recede into the distance around her, and she suddenly felt very alone. She walked slowly along Oxford Street, her eyes on the pavement in front of her. No one bumped into her.
She shed the sable jacket and dropped it around the shoulders of the first beggar she saw sat in a doorway.
“Don’t flog it to buy drugs,” she told the stunned, dirty woman who sat on a piece of cardboard with a paper cup by her crossed legs. “Keep warm.” And then she poured a handful of pound coins into the cup.
“Merry Christmas,” the beggar said, still staring at her in shock.
“Bah humbug,” muttered Elisande.
Mary Bowes says:
OK Julie. Here’s something to take your mind off your impending birth or to kickstart the process. I’m posting the first page of my several times rewritten first chapter. Well I reckon it’s about a page. (I was supposed to be at RNA Lunch today, but daughter’s got Impetigo and temperature so I couldn’t force her to go to school.)
Onzo Palatini clicked shut the door of his red Lamborghini Diablo and took his first view of the modest two-bedroomed Victorian semi he had bought ten months before. Small and modest, it had suited his needs perfectly, as had the area.
He took a broad sweep of the road, noting the eclectic jumble of house styles that crowded the street, from late Victorian up to the present day. The haphazard nature of its development had always been one of the things that he’d liked about this road when cycling through as a student, but that was not why he’d chosen to buy in this area. It had more to do with the fact that it was only a twenty-minute bike ride to North Oxford – far enough to feel independent, but close enough to get to without any trouble. Then there had been the strong community that his agent had heard about when researching a place to buy. Onzo had thought that would appeal to Ally after several years working on projects in rural Latin America. And it was a ten minute bike ride into the centre of Oxford across fields and University Parks.
What had sealed the deal was learning from the electoral register that Ally’s former school friend Christina lived next door. His eyes flickered briefly to the adjoining house where pots of sunny flowers clashed madly with a bright red front door. Amusement briefly showed in his dark, sombre eyes. They suited their occupant perfectly.
So he had bought the house, sight unseen, and then set about having it turned into the sort of place that would appeal to an idealistic environmentalist. You couldn’t see the solar panels from this side of the house, nor the insulation under the freshly rendered house, but it had been retrofitted throughout to make it as low energy as possible. And then it had been eco-painted throughout in her favourite sunny yellow.
As Onzo’s eyes wandered to the dark blue door, triple-glazed windows and freshly painted cream render, he shook his head a little at how much the whole thing had cost. But now that he was actually seeing it in person, he was pleased with the efforts that had been made baiting his Ally trap. It had been worth every penny.
Once the house was complete, he had sat back and waited for others to reel her in. And they had. Spectacularly. Ally had been living here for six months and still had no idea that he was her landlord.
Not that he was the only one keeping secrets.
At that unpalatable thought, he pushed himself away from the car, through the wrought-iron black gate and walked up to the navy blue front door.
As far as he knew, she still hadn’t told anyone. But then why would she after all this time? And she’d been avoiding him, which was also hardly surprising.
Until now, he’d let her.
But no more.
Author Phillipa Ashley » Blog Archive » I finally found the nerve to… says:
[...] And I finally plucked up the courage to take Julie Cohen ’s first page challenge. Not that anyone is listening now! [...]
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LolitochkaBC says:
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Leo says:
Hi Y’all and Julie,
I see the most recent one was posted in May, so I hope this this blog thread is still open. Here is my first few paragraphs of something I was working on a while back. Any comments would be welcome. leo_ann81@hotmail.com
Rachel O’ Connor rested her glasses upon her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her head had been pounding like a bongo drum for what seemed like forever.
She’d been working on this merger since after lunch and a quick glance at her watch told her it was almost seven thirty. She felt almost guilty about saving the document. The merger needed more time and dedication than her migraine headache was able to give. As the computer shut down she tidied her desk.
She’s a work-a-holic who’s dedicated to getting the job done event to the detriment of her own health and personal life. She feels guilty at leaving the job half done. She’s also a neatness freak.
“You’re leaving early.” A fellow associate commented.
Rachel looked up and tried not to grimace. Wendy Johnson, who Rachel secretly thought of as Woo-Woo Wendy because of her penchant for all things mystical stood in the doorway expectantly. Wendy’s wild frizzy blonde hair stuck out from her head as if she’d been scared stupid and her chunky gemstone jewellery clanged and rattled as she stepped into the doorway. Rachel smoothed down at her own cream suit and thanked the Lord she had a personal shopper who kept her from making horrible wardrobe faux pas.
Rachel is a bit judgemental and reserved. She is in strict control of her working life where she knows what’s expected of her but is very unsure of herself and her personality. She lets a personal shopper choose her clothes rather than risk wearing something in appropriate. She’s afraid of what people will think of her.
“Yeah, I’ve put in way too many hours this week to work past eight on a Friday.”
Wendy chuckled. “Great minds think alike.”
Rachel packed her laptop into its case, shrugged into her coat and slung the laptop bag over her shoulder. She clicked her desk lamp off and grabbed her purse. Wendy was still standing in the doorway.
“Did you get my e-mail?” She asked.
“Is saw an e-mail from you but the it wasn’t categorised by my inbox as high priority, so I didn’t open it. Was it urgent?”
Again very focused on her job. Only work related things need to be addressed during working hours.
“Kind of.” She hedged as Rachel locked her office door.
“Alison’s baby shower is on Tuesday as it’s her last day. Kerry and I have taken up a collection and we were going to go shopping tomorrow morning but she called in sick today.”
They headed for the elevator.
“Since you’re the only other female associate on our team, I wondered if you’d like to come along.”
“I um…” Rachel fumbled for an excuse.
“That’s if you don’t have plans, I mean.”
Rachel is out of her depth when the conversation turns other women. She’s nervous of going shopping with someone she’s already made her mind up about in case she might like them but doesn’t want to lie about her commitments or hurt Wendy’s feelings.
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Bob says:
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Judith Fox says:
Congratulations, Julie, on all the excitement going on with regard to your novels these days!!
I’m not surprised. You are a great writer!
Best regards, Judith in Canada