Filed under: crows

Have not posted for a couple of days because I’ve been convinced that every word I have written, ever, SUCKS.

Usually I get this much sooner in my first draft. I am probably very lucky it’s held out for this long.

crows!!! aaaaghh!!

You would think that holding a gorgeous hardback in my hands and reading the bits I like out of it, would help reassure me that I can write something that I, at least, can enjoy.

Nope. Don’t work. I suck. The teensy good bits in my last book are purely down to chance. A thousand monkeys with typewriters would probably produce the same thing through primate good luck.

Also, I’m just about to write the climax, which should take two or three chapters, and I am, for some reason, gut-wrenchingly scared to write it. Like, I actually feel sick when I think about it.

I post this not in a bid for reassurance. I know I have wonderful cyber-friends who will do their best to buck me up, and you guys don’t need to because you’ve done it so many times already. I post this because I know I will get through it, and I want it on record that I feel this way, so that it may make other people feel better, and it will make me feel better when I read it at some point in the future when I’m feeling the same thing all over again.

Do feel free to tell me that you also suck, though. And I’ll tell you that you don’t.

(And also go wish Biddy a happy birthday.)

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  1. Boy, howdy, do I feel your pain. I’m at that exact stage where I wonder how on earth I got this far, and what makes me think I’ll possibly finish a publishable book again? Less than a 100 pages to go, and yet we somehow manage to barrel through these doubting moments. You’ll get there, and so will I. It’s just tough.

  2. Well, you don’t suck, Michelle. And I love the expression “boy, howdy”. I wonder how I can steal that and put it in a book set in England with English characters.

  3. And at least you can blame hormones.

  4. Ah it is good to see that you have reached this stage. If you ahd not reached this stage,I would have worried.
    Julie ALWAYS has her Crows of Doubt period. I look forward to seeing the picture.
    I think you have to go through it and then come out the other side. It is part of your writing process.

    And your finished product won’t suck. That is what rough drafts are for and revisions.

    Can you tell that I just turned in my latest? And threfore, don’t even wnat to think about the multitude of mistakes I made. They will get sorted out in revisions.

  5. Julie, I have my English characters say things like ‘howdy’ all the time. Should I not?

    I’m supposed to be finishing a novella. I only have…oh, about two thirds to do. By tomorrow. And I really do sucketh mightily right now.

  6. So who let the Crows out of their cage? It seems to be their day for flyiing around cawing ‘You suck . . .you suck. . .’ They were here just an hour ago – why do you think I’m crstinating like a pro and reading blogs instead of writing

    But you don’t suck – you only think you do as part of the natural sharpening up your writing process.

    I think.

    Hugs on the feeling though. And I hope that’s the case for me too
    And so for anyone out there who wants to ask the question – the answer is – no it never does get any easier 🙁 😉


  7. ((((Julie))))


  8. (who’s grateful that the crows really are normal)

  9. Sucking need not be an issue, as long as you can suck with style.

  10. Morning Julie – I’m back from holiday and I really hope your crows have flown away.

  11. oh, i suck…
    waiting to hear from agents…no news good news? no, me thinks no news mean i suck.

  12. Okay, first off, Michelle S: you LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING ME IN PAIN?!?!?!?

    Thanks very much.

    Yes, though, you’re right, it is part of my process. This blog has been very useful to record that fact. That knowledge does make it a bit easier.

    And good luck with your latest, I know it will be great.

  13. Kate J: you’re English and can therefore get away with it. Everyone would think that I had suddenly morphed into someone from Wyoming or whatever.

    Did you finish?

  14. Kate W: well, I’m glad I could draw the damn crows away from you. They’re mean old buggers.

    Good luck with your Greek.

  15. Sue: they are normal. Ugh.

    Ehle: boy howdy, does that create a mental image. I think the main question is WHOSE style. Like, the style of a big black hole to hell?

    Phillipa: welcome back, and no, they haven’t.

    Fran: no news can be good news. It takes agents a long time. Keep on keeping on and hit the damn crows with a broom.

  16. If “big black hole to hell” is a synonym for “night vision camera”, then sure. 🙂

    Like Tim Gunn says, Make it work.

  17. It’s so great to hear the published authors go through this stage as well…I thought I just felt this way because I wasn’t published, and therefore I really must suck.

    Thanks for posting this.

  18. Nope, still not finished yet. Um. I haven’t had any threatening letters yet though, so i figure I’m okay. Probably.

  19. Misery loves company, I guess. I too am glad to know that published authors go through the “everything sucks” pity party. some days, I feel like a child learning to write my letters, having trouble just putting one word in front of the other. here’s hoping for a speedy recovery, and thanks for sharing.

  20. Not so sure about “big black hole to hell”=”night vision camera”. It’s more like “big black hole to hell”=”sucking donkey dickage”. Or something like that.

    Marcy, the only thing that really changes is that instead of thinking “I suck and nobody will ever read my work” you think “I suck and everybody’s going to read my work and know how bad I suck.” They are both pretty awful.

    Kate…write like the wind woman!

    Kimberly, sometimes I feel like that. More often I feel like I’m putting the words down, but they’re not connecting with my brain. In any case it bites. Glad I could help you.

  21. Oh…and I’m nearly done with the book, so I don’t suck as bad now.

  22. “Sucking donkey dickage.” Nice.

    That’s going to do wonders for your search engine stats, I guarantee.

    Congratulations on the big finish!

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