Okay I’ve had a heads-up that Kate Hardy is going to mock me for fancying men who she deems “not old enough to shave”. Also, I still feel rather guilty for lusting after a dude in a Hogwarts uniform. So today I’m going to explore the other guilty extreme: fancying guys who are in your son’s television programmes.
I am a bad person to watch children’s television anyway. I tend to get a little bored with the storylines and make stuff up, which is why I have a whole theory about how in In the Night Garden Iggle Piggle gives Upsy Daisy telepathic orgasms, and how Makka Pakka is an obsessive-compulsive genius who eroticises rocks. It probably also explains why my favourite line ever in Wonder Pets is when Ming Ming the duck tells an egg “I’m going to love you with my bum!”
But I have to admit that at times I have perked up. For one thing, Sid and Andy, the morning presenters on CBeebies, are actually pretty hot. Especially when they do their number raps.
I’ve heard rumours of other mums fancying Big Cook and Little Cook, and I do have a weakness for chefs. (See, for example, my books Delicious and One Night Stand, and Nina Jones also features two good-looking chefs.) And Little Cook Small is nice I must admit. But I think their dancing is a little bit disturbing. Not like Sid and Andy’s. Which is sexy, in like a totally non-sexy and suitable for children’s television way.
Lately, too, I have found myself ogling Lazytown‘s Sportacus. You gotta admit, those are some fine biceps. You also gotta love a guy who lives in a blimp. Apparently in real life he was an Olympic medalist in competitive aerobics. And hey, Kate, look–he’s got a moustache!
(If I ever tell you I’ve been checking out Bob the Builder, though, please call someone, because it’s a cry for help.)
Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.
I suppose it could be worse. You could have a crush on Tinky Winky. (I’m kidding. I know the Teletubbies were before Fecklet’s time.) Or on the Fat Controller – especially if he’d been on a diet and gone all angular
Your ‘angular men’ post got me thinking about Julie Cohen hero material… and I came up with Paul McGann. (As in Withnail and I/Dr Who.) Except you might have to fight my mate Portia da Costa for him. Oh, and he’s probably about 20 years too old for you…
(But do check him out on IMDB because the title of some of his work is right up your street)
I’m going to pay for this, aren’t I??
I love Paul McGann!!
Kate, Kate, Kate, everyone knows that Tinky Winky is gay.
No comment on the Fat Controller.
I’ll admit to a crush on Steve from Blue’s Clues (Not that nitwit Joe who replaced Steve when he went off to college.)
Sportacus creeps me out. Honestly, most of Lazy Town gives me the willies, but Sportacus just screams “child molester.” (I’ll give you the nice arms, though.)
Ah, but I come from the age group who all fancied Captain Scarlet even though he was a puppet – now that is sad!
Julie, you are not alone. I fell totally, absolutely in love with Philip Schofield the first day he bounced into the Broom Cupboard when I was watching children’s telly with my baby son.
Yes, I know about the Captain Scarlet thing.
I am just trying to remeber who I watched when mine were young…
I know that the Beast from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast was pretty good.
I could never see the attraction of the Little mermaid’s prince, but could understnad about Sebastian the crab…
I’m pretty certain that Iggle Piggle is a creepy monk in another life.
Sportacus needs to stop doing those wide-legged jumps and grow his hair but I don’t think he’s beyond redemption.
Me, I’ve got a crush on Mr Ratburn – he may be a bit old for you, Julie.
But I agree with Michelle, the Beast was hot. Turning into the soppy prince ended the affair, though.
Love Sid, not Andy.
Really not like the man in Doodle-Do, who has puppets appearing between his legs and such places as he just sits there smiling.
i once felt attracted to a puppet, but i am saying no more.
I was a Joe girl rather than Steve for Blues Clues. And there was a Wiggle that was pretty hot…I actually took my girls to see the Wiggles several years ago.
Kim OMG on Lazytown. It’s just CREEPY. LOL
My children NEVER liked Teletubbies. THANK GOD.
I’m a Blue’s Clues “Joe” girl, too — and I’ve found promo (that’s PROMO) pictures of him on the internet where he’s looking much more studly. I will email one to you, Jules, once I remember where I saved it…
This post made me laugh a lot (which I needed as I’m having a horrible time re my wee girl starting school and it all going badly wrong!) So thanks!!!
I can relate – but I think it works both ways cos I hear of lots of dads fancying Naomi from Milkshake and Nina from Nina and the Neurons! Not just us letchy mums!
FWIW – check out Jason Lee in Alvin and The Chipmunks. My fave hero inspiration ever!Daughter is addicted to the film. And because it’s a great kids film you don’t mind watching it again and again! Enjoy!!! He is my PERFECT HERO.
jx
Little Frog is still in the baby phase of watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs etc, so not much fancy material for me (apart from in Hollyoaks, which he is also partial to). However, whenever Handy Manny comes on he starts to enthusiastically repeat “Daddy!” Don’t know what that says about me…
Well this morning on Cbeebies Sid & Andy had a race to see who could dress up as Sporticus first…it was like your very own fantasy come to life!!
Rich has a thing for Nina from the Neurons, as well as Miss Hoolie & Sarah Jane in Higgledy House. Me? I’m with those fancying ‘Beast’ (but not Beast transformed), and as a child I had a passion for Kermit the frog
Okay, well I feel better now. At least I don’t fancy a puppet.
(Um. We won’t talk too much about Kermit.)
I agree with you Michelle about Beast. And Jude, I love Jason Lee!
I don’t watch Blues Clues but I’m thinking I might have to interest the Fecklet in it.
(((Jude))) Hugs for your tough time.
Jenny, I’m amazed that your seeming omniscience also includes current children’s telly.
Ruth, you read my mind, I was typing about Kermit even as you posted.
I don’t believe I missed Sid and Andy dressing up in sexy Sportacus clothes! I must have been reading or something to my kid while it was on. Doh! Why do I bother when the telly is so much more fun!?
Jess, I’m sort of trying to teach Fecklet that Little Cook Small is his Daddy as there is a certain resemblance (aside from red hair) (and size of course).
Not onmisicience. Enforced baby sitting coupled with total failure of energy and imagination. How all of you do it 24/7 I don’t know. I have to go and lie down in a darkened room when they Go Home.
Julie,
I loved this post!
I’ve got to watch a fair bit of kiddie TV over the last 4 years and I hear ya! Can’t help but fancy some of those hottie stars.
But as for Sporticus, I’m with Kim. He kinds creeps me out. Looks like a porn star.
And I’m a Joe gal over Steve any day in Blues Clues.
Must admit, The Fat Controller does nothing for me. Nor does Archie or PC Plum from Balamory.
Bring on more hot stars I reckon!
How all of you do it 24/7 I don’t know.
Jenny, I think it’s called temporary insanity.
Nicola, see, saying Sportacus looks like a porn star makes me love him even more!