November 19, 2009 | The Bad Twin, about me, parenthood
It has all gone too far. But I couldn’t help it. Too many forces were working together to push me to this. And now…it’s too late.
I love Top Gear.
In my defence, let me plead two extenuating circumstances. One: my heroine in The Bad Twin is a stunt woman. She specialises in flying, martial arts and especially, stunt driving. She loves fast cars. So of course for the book, I had to research cars. She crashes a Ferrari Enzo in chapter one—one of 400 only ever made. A Porsche 911 Turbo and a BMW L740 are also important to the plot. The hero drives a Aston Martin Vanquish in British racing green. And the climactic scene happens in…well, in something very like this.
Concurrently, my son is also completely obsessed by cars. His favourite film is Cars. He wants to be Lightning McQueen. He pretends to drive when he’s in his pushchair and he holds imaginary toy car races all over my house.
So as, you know, a sort of bonding thing, we started watching Top Gear together.
It was the beginning of a slippery slope. The Fecklet is now convinced that The Stig is his friend. We have conversations about who’s faster, Lightning McQueen or The Stig. Fecklet yells “Top Gear!” the minute he hears that Allman Brothers song. We choose our favourite cars in every episode and talk about them.
And now, the worst has happened. Last night I dreamed I was having sex with Jeremy Clarkson.
I fear it is too late for me.
(Actually I’d much rather have sex with James May. How about you? Which Top Gear presenter would you do in your dreams? And no…you can’t say The Stig. It only counts if you can see his face. Besides, everyone wants The Stig.)
From left: Richard Hammond, Jeremy Clarkson, James May
EDIT: I bought a copy of Heat magazine at the station on my way to the RNA Winter Party and they had their “Weird Crushes of 2009″ poll results. Jeremy Clarkson was at number 9, James May at 6, Richard Hammond at 4, and The Stig at 3. See….I’m not weird.
Robyn Grady says:
Er, do I have to *sleep* with one?! lol
No, I don’t find those guys sexy, in the normal sense of the word, but I do love their show! Did you see the one where they rode clapped out excuses for bikes across somewhere in Asia? Too funny!
I love smart cars, Julie, and reading about them. The Bad Twin sounds like a blast!
Robbie
Julie says:
I never saw that one. Not yet. I have a feeling I will…
And yes, Robyn, you have to sleep with one! Come on, make a choice!
And congrats getting your latest book in, you goddess woman you.
Nell Dixon says:
Hmm, I seem to recall having this coversation before at the last conference – it was faintly disturbing then rofl
Lorraine says:
LOL Julie
Weirdly enough I once had a dream about Jeremy Clarkson too! I did once meet him though, before another show he presented and he was extremely nervous which I found really endearing.
BTW I’m suppressing the suspicion that this blog post is just an attempt to draw out our darkest secrets in order to blackmail us in the future
Kate Johnson says:
We discussed this last night! Captain Slow for me (or maybe the Hamster but I am about a foot taller than him).
And she CRASHES an ENZO? I’m glad you warned me, else the shock might have been too great when I read it. A thing of beauty is a joy until some fool drives it into a lamppost.
Mind you, I did once have a character accidentally blow up a Vanquish.
Romy Sommer says:
Ooh, I just love edgy heroines who compete in a man’s world (and of course the heroes who are special enough to win these kick-ass heroines!) so I’m really looking forward to reading yours!
Sela Carsen says:
Two words: Bugatti Veyron. And I’d totally take the Hamster. He looks like he’s got staying power. *lol*
Haven’t talked to you in ages! Miss you!
Julie says:
Have we talked about this already, Nell? I could have sworn it was a new obsession in my world…
Julie says:
Lorraine, I am shocked and stunned to think that you would believe I would lure you into admitting your darkest sexual Top Gear fantasies in order to use them against you one day.
Shocked.
And stunned.
(So who is it for you?)
Julie says:
Kate, Richard Hammond would have to wear stilts to kiss the hem of your dress.
My heroine Liza does indeed crash an Enzo. Her last thought as she goes over the cliff is, “Well, that’s another few hundred thou on the value of the ones that are left, then…”
Julie says:
Hee hee, thank you, Romy! She is kick-ass, but she has to suppress her kick-ass side for quite a bit of the book as she’s pretending to be her goody-two-shoes twin sister. But her inner kick-ass never fades away (I hope).
I like reading tough heroines too, especially when they have a vulnerable streak.
Julie says:
LOL, you and the Hamster would suit each other…
The Venyon is a thing of beauty. But I couldn’t resist the Enzo, it is so spidery.
Miss you too, babe. I hope everything is great for you.
Julie says:
I bought a copy of Heat magazine at the station on my way to the RNA Winter Party and they had their “Weird Crushes of 2009″ poll results. Jeremy Clarkson was at number 9, James May at 6, Richard Hammond at 4, and The Stig at 3. See….I’m not weird.
Biddy says:
I think Nell is referring to a conversation she had with Anna and I… poor Nell what she puts up with when stuck in the same dorm as us.
Eileen H says:
If we are talking of weird crushes, then I have to admit to having one – for Chris Packham, presenter of BBC’s Autumnwatch. What a cheeky chappie. I’m so going to going to miss his delightful geekiness now that the programme is over for the season.