suckage point

Filed under: crows


Well, I did have a good week last week. Unfortunately, so far, this week SUCKS.

Because my book sucks.

It’s rubbish, it’s awful, it’s boring, it stinks, and yes it really does, and no I don’t care if I’ve always said this during every single book I’ve written and it turns out okay in the end, this one doesn’t just suck, it sucks BIG DONKEY DICKS and I hate it.


And I’m really glad that the RNA conference is this weekend, because at least I know that in four days I will be inspired and encouraged and educated. I can really use it.

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  1. Julie,

    Now there’s a term your don’t see too often on romance writers blogs!
    Hilarious, that really made me splutter on my coffee.

    Have fun at the RNA, hope you get your wip mojo back.


  2. Will you be covering big donkey dicks in your talk?

  3. I really, really should. I should mention them in the panel discussion to kick off the conference on the first day and thereby lower the tone of the entire weekend.

    *pictures Jan Jones screaming noooooooooo! from a distance*

    Okay, I won’t. But you’ll know I’ll be thinking about them.

  4. Joanne, the thing is, now I will get about 40,000 hits from people googling “sucking big donkey dicks”. It always happens.

    Oh well, anything to brighten up my day at this point, because did I mention that the book I’m writing is BAD???

  5. Oh so we’re at that point in your book again, are we? The My Book Sucks Big Donkey Dicks point. Haven’t I seen this somewhere before? The Nina Jones Big Donkey Dicks, The Girl from Mars BDD, the Getting Away With it BDD?

    I really think you should give a talk on the BDD Moment as it’s obviously a vital part of the creative process. And you know you’ll get over it – you will!

    But seeing as I only just got over my own personal BDD moment, I’ll just be kind and send you a hug of understanding – and we’ll share a glass or two at RNA and talk about BDDs and sympathise . .. But you will get past it – you know you will!

  6. Perhaps I should propose a workshop for next year entitled “Big Donkey Dicks”.

    Poor Jan. She’s in Greenwich right now and can’t even defend herself.

  7. Sigh. I will get past it, Kate, but the thing is, that doesn’t make it any less painful or sucky.

    Thanks for the hugs. And the wine will help.

  8. Julie, you crack me up. And Kate is right, you’ll get passed it- you both will- and you’ll go on to write magnificant works of art. Go enjoy your weekend retreat, learn lots, be inspired, rub elbows with other wonderfully creative people and come home to finish your story.

    I do love the idea of a BDD seminar though 😀

  9. So you’re writing a travel book about Tijuana?

  10. I so, so want to go to that talk next year.

    My WIP sucks big donkey dicks. Each one is called Boring: the boring plot dick, the boring characters dick, the boring opening dick…and whoa, there was a mental image I didn’t need.

    I think I’ll just have a little glass of wine now.

  11. >>>I do love the idea of a BDD seminar though

    I was going to say that that would be a great idea – we could all make asses of ourselves – but perhaps I won’t!

    Can you tell I just got the book accepted ??

    And you will get past it Julie love – but yes Big Donkey Dicks can be pretty painful. ;O)

  12. Ah, see this happens to me all the time when I hit chapter seven. Chapter seven is where my career ends every time…

    Maybe my goat-lovers like donkeys too and will come visit your blog now…

    And *Kate* — spew alert needed!

  13. I have tears my stomach hurts so much. The more you read the more hilarious it is. Who knew there was so much you could talk about on when it came to sucking big donkey dicks? I’ll never be the same.

    I bet it doesn’t suck. I bet your readers wouldn’t care if you didn’t edit it. We’d still buy it you know!

  14. Yup, you’re at that point in the book again. Remember the Neil Gaiman anecdote you shared last time (or was it the time before)?

    BDD is clearly your version of it 😉

    Hang on in there. And you will definitely have your mojo working after the conf!

  15. Julie, the lovely Lacey directed me here ’cause I’m having the week of unpublished author hell right now and she thought I would find inspiration here. And she’s right. I have. Because the ms that I have been waiting on since God created Adam sucks big donkey dicks too, and it’s very liberating to finally say it. 🙂
    Bet yours actually doesn’t suck though!

  16. Danielle, you should come over to England for the BDD seminar! It’ll be tax-deductible, I’m sure…! Your DH would love that when you told him. “Um, honey, I want to fly to England to learn about Big Donkey Dicks…?”

  17. DC, do they have this sort of thing in Tijuana? How did you find out? Is it like a music world ritual? Enquiring minds want to know…

    (Thanks for visiting! What led you here, BTW…a google search for “things to do in Tijuana”?)

  18. Kate J, you are not and can never be boring.

    Just sayin’.

  19. Kate W, one day I will be in your shoes and have this book that currently sucks, accepted. That day, I will drink and caper about happily.

    Today, I will drink and sulk. *glowers*

    (The possibilities of a BDD seminar are seemingly endless, however…why don’t you mention it to Jan for me?)

  20. Chapter seven, Kim? I think I’m on like chapter 25, which means that I have even MORE BOOK to suck and to have ruined my career with.

    And yes, it would be nice to see some goat-lovers around here. Would liven up the place no end.

  21. Lacey, I am so glad you can laugh at my pain, you cruel sadistic woman.


    Though I would be cruel and sadistic to make you buy this book as it is right now because have I mentioned that it SUCKS????

  22. Kate H, I am strangely excited by the words “Neil Gaiman” and “BDD” in the same comment. I think I may have a bit of a crush on him. And I think he might find that very, very disturbing.

  23. Jackie, I’m sorry about your week of hell. And I can really, really sympathise.

    And I’m sure your ms doesn’t suck big donkey dicks. Though it does sorta feel good to say it, doesn’t it?

  24. Julie, if I’m not boring, you never suck.

    Just sayin’.

  25. The things I do for my #writecrapsupportgroup buddy:

    Sept 28/07: I suck. The teensy good bits in my last book are purely down to chance. A thousand monkeys with typewriters would probably produce the same thing through primate good luck.


    Aug 29/09: This book is crap, I can’t write, the story is the same as my last book, my editor will hate it, I suck, nobody’s going to buy it, what if I’ve got too much in there what if I haven’t got enough, it’s crap, how do I fix it… Ad infinitum.

    Nov 25/09: Otherwise, I SUCKED, I was AWFUL, I was GOING TO LOSE MY CAREER and BE MOCKED MIGHTILY BY REVIEWERS AND READERS, to say nothing of my agent and editor.

    And my personal fave:

    May 20/09: Please don’t pat my head. I’d rather you kicked my arse around in the gutter for awhile.

    Now, am I going to have to put on my big boots?

    Love you. 😉

  26. Hmm. Are you trying to tell me something, Donna?

  27. Just that you’re awesome. And I think your suckishness is inversely proportional to how awesome your book turns out to be, so there. 🙂

    Keeping boots on standby.

  28. I’m pleased Donna went and found the quotes. I am actually sure there are more. YOu are the woman who coined the term Crows of Doubt.

    If you did not reach this point in your book, I’d worry. I wait for it.
    And it will be great!!!

  29. What Donna said 🙂 Can’t wait to see you on Friday!

  30. splutter!

  31. You are lovely friends. And I love you.

    This problem never goes away, and fortunately, neither does the patience of my fellow writers, who all know the same angst.

    I’ll kick your butts in return some day. Promise.


  32. I may need it sooner than you think! LOL

  33. […] Julie Cohen: Suckage point […]

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